A few clients and some friends have been going through some tough break ups recently. Break ups can be very difficult when tensions are high, emotions are raw, and they can be complicated more when couples have been living together as well. It is important to be patient with yourself as well as to utilize supports.
Here are some things to consider doing for yourself as you go through this transition:
1. Journal: Write down your feelings, experiences, and don’t hold back.
2. Listen to music- find music that speaks to your heart!
3. Lean on your friends and family; tell them what will be helpful in supporting you.
4. Stay active- staying in may feel easier and
5. Separate yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally from the person. Disconnect from them on social media.
6. Take time for yourself. A quiet book, a soak in the bath tub, a walk in the park? Taking time to reflect can be very beneficial.
7. Pet therapy – animals can be a great way to receive physical affection and can help keep you in the moment.
8. See a counselor- find someone to talk this out with. The benefits of using a third party is that you can get perspective from someone not attached to your ex. This person can also help you grieve your relationship, set new goals, and provide a safe environment to share what is on your heart and mind.
9. Try something new. This can help you focus on something exciting and challenging in your life.
Pay attention to your body and give yourself time to heal. Know that you are processing a loss which can impact your life in numerous ways and staying in tune with this can help as you rediscover this new chapter in your life.
Lately I’ve been working with some clients who are struggling in their relationships. Feelings include frustration, anger, resentment, loneliness, pain, confusion, and sadness. Questions I’ve seen clients ask themselves include:
Have I done all I can to save this relationship?
Am I ready to lose this person from my life entirely?
What else will I lose in my life if I say goodbye to this person (friends, family, financial stability, home, belongings)?
Will I be able to find love again?
Will I regret leaving?
Will I be happier?
Often times there are imbalances in relationships that can be looked at and discussed and those include the division of chores, time spent together, financial discrepancies, health issues, lack of support systems, and conflicting visions/goals for the future. It can be helpful for couples to keep talking about what they want their lives to look like both individually and as a couple. Too often we may assume odd dreams remain the same, but the truth is that we are evolving being and what we wanted 3 years ago may have changed.
There are other signs that indicate that the relationship is an unhealthy one and those include:
physical and sexual violence
name calling and degrading comments
problematic alcohol use
lack of intimacy
If you find any number of these problems in your relationship it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone to make a safe place to reduce the chance of harm. Intimate partner violence is a serious matter and utilizing professionals is highly recommended. Use this hotline if you or someone you know needs to talk to someone now: (800)799-SAFE (800.799.7233).
Knowing when to leave can often be a difficult process. If you find challenges in your relationship are not improving but you are not ready to leave, consider couples counseling which can help foster difficult discussions about what each individual wants and needs. It can provide time to reflect on what’s working and what’s not working, and a counselor can provide tools for discussions and goal setting that can be beneficial.
Letting go can be difficult and accompanying that is a process of grief and loss. Remember this does not need to take place in isolation and many could benefit from individual counseling at this point. This can be helpful in the grieving process, taking time to re-group and think about what you want in your life, and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself in this process.
We have lots of news this month as I try out some new things that I hope benefit my clients, future clients, and others looking for support.
I’ve just started a YouTube channel! After success with some of my Skype clients, I realized the potential for reaching many more people with short videos on wellness topics. My first video covers job loss, where I address how it can affect people, how people often cope with it, as well as some tips that I have found to be helpful in order to help people cope with this transition. The second video covers self-esteem and self-doubt, a blog topic I covered in November; however, in this video I’ve added some new content I hope you’ll find helpful. Please consider subscribing, commenting, or providing feedback (ie. topics you’d like covered) regarding any of these videos.
This month I held an open house at my office July 20th to show folks my office as well as introduce doTERRA essential oils. As a wellness advocate for doTERRA folks can purchase through me. Essential oils have been used throughout history for multiple purposes. Egyptians used aromatic essential oils extensively in medical practice, beauty treatment, food preparation, and in religious ceremony. Greeks used essential oils in their practices of therapeutic massage and aromatherapy, and Romans used aromatic oils to promote health and personal hygiene. Influenced by the Greeks, Romans, Chinese, and Indian Ayurvedic use of aromatic herbs, the Persians began to refine distillation methods for extracting essential oils from aromatic plants. Modern use of essential oils has continued to grow as health scientists and medical practitioners continue to research and validate the numerous health and wellness benefits of therapeutic-grade essential oil. Let me know if you have further questions about doTERRA essential oils, or if you would be interested in sampling any in particular.
For this month, I first cover assertiveness — using the example of someone you find difficult to work with and how you might approach this rather than holding it in.
Looking forward to sharing more with you! Hope your summer is going well.